Saturday, July 26, 2008

Toe Jam

If I have on fault (besides my witch nose and di-chi) that I had hoped would not be passed onto my son it would be my stinky feet. Honest to goodness, ashamed as I am to admit this, I have the stankiest feet you ever could smell. I think once we were married and Branden discovered this he was honestly quite horrified and debated strongly running in the opposite direction. Honestly it is so bad and I'm not ever exagerating. When I was a teenager I left a pair of my stankified shoes in the car and my Father (who is quite possibly one of the most patient and kindest men on earth) could not stand the smell so much on his short drive to work that he actually threw them out the window. In the summer (when the stink gets particularily bad and I"m not wearing socks to cushion the stinky blow) Branden kindly requests that I wash my feet before I come near him. When I was pregnant and too fat to cut my own toe nails or paint them and Branden had to do it for me, his only requirement for his services was that I wash those feet in scalding hot water before he touched them. He never once massaged my aching pregnant feet because the reak was just unbearable. I really did not want my dear boy to have to suffer this debilitating stink that I have (if I wear sandals to a friends house, I have to bring socks in my purse to cover up the stink once I'm in if I want them to remain friends with me).

But I was not lucky enough for this curse to have passed over my dear baby. He honestly has the stinkiest feet ever and for some reason his stinky little toes accumulate vast amounts of toe jam. Like so much toe jam that he cannot properly keep his toes close together if we don't clean it out every few days. This toe jam REAKS so bad and after I clean it up my fingers smell so bad I want to die and seriously how does someone so little get so much toe jam!?! I honestly feel bad for Jack he has my stinky feet and his Dad's stinky toots. The kid is BOUND to be a social reject!

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